Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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