I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i drank out of a bidet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
