We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
