nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
