Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
