she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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