i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
