looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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