fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
