Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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