Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
