We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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