please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
