Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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