He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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