awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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