chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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