I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
