I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
