now i know why i became what i already was.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
