Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
