Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
