he wants to bone in the snuggie
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
