You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
