just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
