fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
