He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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