I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
