the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
