I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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