11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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