Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
