woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My vagina just clenched in fear
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
