I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
