ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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