i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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