Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I didn't notice because vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
