I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
