So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
