Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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