have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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