god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
