No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
