Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
