when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
