The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
