So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
