Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Randomize
