Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
