So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
