Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she told me i tasted like america
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
