So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
