I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
