you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
