She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
