and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I understand Curling. That high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
