video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
