yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
