I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
