I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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