I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
