If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize