How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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