we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
