apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
