i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
