Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
