Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
