Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My dick has a subreddit
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
