I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
