Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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