Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
