Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
