the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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