It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
