She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
