Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thank you for not boning my boss.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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