So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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