I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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