remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize