he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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