you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
